Me & Kirstie...what happened to us?

Sorry that I haven't updated the blog in a while - I moved to a new place & we are now pretty much settled. And you want to know how I feel? I feel like Kirstie Alley. Well, I guess I don't know how she feels - I mean I feel like I look like Kirstie Alley. And that isn't good. It means I'm in a bad mood a lot and that I have a hard time not wanting to eat chocolate or something sweet.

This morning I went to the park with my kids and there were lots of other moms there. I found myself being so self conscious that I wanted to pick up a megaphone and start explaining that I'm not usually so overweight and that I feel pretty upset about it all. It's silly to feel that way - I really need to overcome that. But I don't feel like myself - it messes with your identity when you are heavier than normal. When you're pregnant you let that cover for it but then when you aren't anymore - you are left wondering, "So, I'm still fat - what does that mean?"

Not that I expect to have lost all my weight by now - it just gets to me sometimes. I know what would make me feel better - exercise. And there really isn't much time for that so either I need to get up in the morning before Mike leaves or do it in the evening. I'd like to do it in the morning but when you've been waking up all night long with the baby it's pretty hard to want to get out of bed. Another thing I need to get over. So tonight I'll turn the kids over to Mike and head out...

Week one weigh in.

So, this first week on WW I lost 3 pounds. I'm actually kind of bummed about it because the only days I count as official weigh-in's are Monday but on Saturday the scale was a pound less. I know, it doesn't really matter but I just wanted to be able to say I lost 4 pounds this week but it just didn't show up this morning. I know that weight isn't the perfect indicator of progress and that all sorts of other things can affect it. Sometimes I wonder if I should weigh myself only after a good long feeding with the baby. So, after experiencing that I've decided only to weigh myself on Mondays. Maybe that will help me obsess a little less and then I won't see all the ups and downs from the week.

And I haven't really gotten to my walking yet. Since I'm still requiring a serious granny pad for blood loss I figured I should wait a little more before I do anything. Ugh. And I still don't know when I'm going to do it either...

If a picture paints a thousand words...

One of my favorite past times when I'm fat - which means for the last year and a half - is to look at old pictures of me when I wasn't fat and say, "Look at how not fat I was there." It probably gets old to Mike but it's totally helpful for me to see me without the extra weight. Like some kind of mental conditioning to help me visualize what I can be. I actually have this one video where I am able to get to my feet from sitting real quick - maybe I can figure out a way to get that on here. But here's a photo I saw tonight:





Now, this was a few months after my miscarriage in 2007 and I was about 15 pounds overweight. I was totally self conscious of my body to the point where I bought this top to cover up my thighs in the family portrait. But look at me - I'm so not fat. At least not by my current standard. I still think the picture and the pose are totally cheesy though.











And in the spirit of President Obama's transparency I'll go ahead a post a pic taken last week. It's not flattering but it does seem honest.

Measurement tracking...

Oh.my.gosh. I decided I would start tracking my measurements on WW online and discovered that my upper arm has the same circumference as my neck! SICK! By the way, did I tell you that I love this weight watchers thing? It's totally working for me - at least psychologically - we won't be able to tell beyond that until my next weigh-in. Weigh-in's are on Mondays.

As for that walk the other night - it didn't happen. My inner Tara was not available and instead I was close to tears and fell into bed. The next day however I did get on that walk and it felt great. Though I took the circus with me - all four boys. I'm really really really hoping to be getting a treadmill here some time in the future. Anyone selling one?

The Biggest Loser and me.

So, this spring I started watching ABC's Biggest Loser and I quickly became an addict. I couldn't believe the strides these people were making and how much it was motivating me! This season I have been totally in awe of Tara - who I hope wins tomorrow night by the way! She started out at 296 lbs and is now down in the 180's somewhere. And she did it by sheer determination - working her tail off the whole season. Can you believe how great she looks? I'm going to channel my inner Tara tonight on my first workout in a LONG time. I'll let you know how it goes!

Weight Watchers

So, I'm doing weight watcher's online. I did a little point counting when I was pregnant and it REALLY worked so I'm excited to go full blown here and get started. Even though I hate counting calories, I really like the point system. Counting calories I get all anxious because I feel like I can't eat anything but the point system simplifies it so much for me and feels more like a game. Because I'm breastfeeding I get 10 more points a day than normal making it a total of 34 points. As I lose weight my point will go down. I'll let you know how I like the online membership and if I think it's worth it. Below here is a screen shot of the basic tool at WW:

No more prego mego.

Well hey, everybody! I'm back! Yes, I had another baby, my last, just over two weeks ago and I'm ready to hit the pavement again. This Monday I'm gonna start walking - slowly but at least I'm starting. I have so much to say so I'll catch you up over the next little while! I'm excited!