Weight watcher's & breastfeeding

Sometimes people give me a hard time about doing weight watchers and all this exercise while nursing. I don't know why they care so much but this last week my milk was really having a hard time in the evenings so it seemed maybe their concern was justified. But I still don't think it is. Let me share with you what I ate on Saturday so you can see how much I'm eating.

Breakfast:

1 medium banana

1/8 cup raisins

1/2 cup cooked steel cut oats

1 slice whole wheat bread

1/2 c fat-free milk

Lunch

2/3 c bowtie pasta with tomatoes, garlic & basil

1/4 c hummus

1 c carrots

1/2 c unsweetened applesauce

Dinner

Grilled chicken

2 cups iceberg lettuce

2 ounces cheese

1/2 c croutons

2 T lite ranch

a few bites of Andrew's cheeseburger

Snacks

Fruit leather

String cheese

samples at Costco

1 c whole grain chips

1/2 c hummus

1 c skim milk

So that is Saturday and I wasn't hungry and in my mind I ate plenty of food. I also drank at least 64 ounces of water. And while my milk was having a hard time in the evenings I just don't think it is from my diet/water intake. I heard that it can also be linked to sleep which if that's true my sleep was terrible this last week. I went to bed late and when I did fall asleep I was plagued by stressful dreams. So, I got myself some mother's milk tea and I'm drinking even more water and making sure I'm getting rest and we'll see if that helps. But really people, do you really think that this isn't enough food?

Before and can't wait until the after...

This morning after I put on some jeans and a too-tight t-shirt and looked in the mirror and realized I looked terrible. Then I remembered that I've been meaning to take a "before" picture and that in this outfit would be a perfect time since just putting on some different clothes would make me look like I lost weight. Still though, it is me and I do look awful fat. Oh well, I'm just gonna forget about it for a while.

Did you want to see it? i posted it for like an hour but changed my mind... if you missed it you're gonna have to wait until it's truly a before...

Updates updates updates

WEIGHT

So things are actually going pretty well. I didn't lose 3 lbs last week but I did lose 2.5 lbs. I have decided that it's probably not best to set a time limit for weight loss - at least one that specific because you really don't know what your body is going to do. Instead you should set the goal for your workouts/diet because that you can completely control. And I measured myself last week and I've lost two inches on my waist and some more on my chest/arms. That made me feel good.

WORKOUTS

My workouts are HARD but that has been really satisfying. Swimming kills me every time but last night I noticed that my times have improved considerably even though it's only been a couple of weeks. My main goal right now is to get my swimming workouts to be completely done in freestyle without stopping in between laps. At first I could only do one length in freestyle and then I switched to breaststroke for four lengths but last night I was able to do 4 lengths freestyle - two lengths breaststroke. So that made me happy. I also met a guy in the lane next to me last night who said he was running and lifting weights and wasn't seeing many results but he started swimming and lost 50 pounds! I hope he didn't see the sparkle in my eye when he said that - he now swims a mile twice a week. That's 64 lengths in the pool at Gold's Gym. I also am working towards my time on the treadmill to be jogging exclusively. Right now I'm doing a mix of walking and jogging. Last night I was on the treadmill for 25 minutes (followed by a swim) and I walked the first 15 minutes and jogged the next 10.

MOTIVATION

So motivation is always hard. My strategy right now has been to workout no matter what. Sometimes that gets hard like last Saturday Mike dropped me and my two oldest off at the gym while he went to the store. The thought being that they could play in the childcare while I rode the bike for 45 minutes. Unfortunately after Mike dropped me off and drove away we found out that childcare was closed so we had to sit there for 55 minutes doing nothing until Mike got back. And let me tell you there wasn't a bone in my body that wanted to drive home, drop off my family, and go back to the gym! But I went home, ate dinner, fed the baby, and went back. In the past I NEVER would have done that. I would have thought, "Hey, I TRIED to workout but it got screwed up!" But no more excuses this time. Excuses are what make you fat. Like, "It's not that big of a deal to eat at McDonald's tonight - besides, I am so busy with the two babies I deserve it!" Watching Biggest Loser made me realize that every workout and every day matters when it comes to obtaining your goals on the scale.

FUTURE PLANS

So I am totally stoked because next year I am going to run in the Wasatch Back. Have you heard of it? It's a RAGNAR relay race from Logan to Park City and you run it on a team of 12 people. Marisa and I decided we're not gonna let another year pass without us being on a team so...YAY!

IN THE END

I owe soooo much to my husband Mike. He is a huge support because it's not easy for anyone when every evening I leave for at least an hour and he stays home with the kids. He NEVER complains and is always so positive and supportive. And any time I say anything like, "I am so big, look at my belly!" He always says, "Don't worry, it won't last forever." Which is exactly what I want to hear. I know he doesn't get the luxury to leave and work out like I do and I owe him big time for that.


p.s. Am I boring you?

p.p.s. Here's a training program for next year's Wasatch Back - it's for beginners.

A no-brainer

Last night I went to power-pump and it was ridiculously hard. Once again I was by far the fat one in class only this time I couldn't get the spot with no mirrors by it so I had to see myself every once in a while. And I had to use my new motto when it comes to losing weight -

"Don't THINK about it - just DO it."

Because I can THINK of all sorts of reasons not to exercise or do this or that and if I THINK about it too much I get depressed or angry or all sorts of things so I just have to completely turn my brain off and not think. I am constantly fighting all of my thoughts - like having my finger in the hole in a dam. It's like I'm trying to hold off temptation - I've put up a lead wall in between me and my brain when it comes to my body, my weight, and my training program. In the past when I'd be getting in shape again I'd have days that my baby would wake up all night long -like the night before last - and I'd THINK, "Ok, so I don't have to exercise as hard or at all today." This time I can't afford those thoughts. Or the thoughts, "You are so fat, how did you ever let this happen?" Luckily when I want to take my finger out of the hole in the dam, Mike is there to reinforce me. He helps me to not worry about it, stop thinking, and just do it. I can't hold my brain off forever but I need to hold it off at least until I see some results and then I'll have the fuel to turn it off again. And that strategy is really helping.

So, I wanted to lose 3 pounds...how much did I end up losing? ZERO. None. Nothing.

Ugh. Oh well. This week was probably a bad week to start this 3 pound weight loss since it was my birthday and of course I gave myself a cheat day for that. And boy did I cheat. Last night I asked Mike to give me a pep talk. I realized that I am terrified of working really hard at the gym, eating well, and not losing any weight. I am terrified of being powerless to lose the weight. Hopefully this next week I see big strides. I just want to know I am in control. I just don't want it to be out of my hands. You know?

Highs & Lows

So, Saturday was a harder day for me. It all started during my workout. I was scheduled to ride the bike for 35 minutes and it wasn't too hard except that the seat was waaaay uncomfortable on the upright bike. And though I'd like to claim that was because it was a cheap or poorly built bike, I know the real reason is because my bum is too big for the seat.

After that I got home and was helping Mike move a mirrored cabinet and part of the time he was moving it I just got to stare at my reflection. While being forced to look at myself I realized I have been avoiding mirrors for the last little while and for good reason. Actually two good reasons, my gut and my bum.

Then I went to the store and tried on a shirt hoping to find some cute outfit to make myself feel more attractive. Not so, it just made me feel worse. But I did wander by the pantie section and got some of those corset-like underwear that holds you in. When I got home and put it on I hit the low of the lows. It was soo tight and so difficult to get up. I wanted to crawl into my closet and disappear. Then Mike came in and said, "Aren't they supposed to be that tight? Isn't that kind of the point?" Immediately I felt better and had hope - I tugged a little more to get them the rest of the way up. And then I had a high - I looked wayyyyy better - go tight panties! Anyhow, nothing really interesting. I just wanted to share the little things we experience every day that feed into the way we feel about ourselves.

Keep the blinders on...

Ahh, Gold's Gym - I have so many stories to tell about you already. All of them centering around me being treated like a half ton woman. Last night I got my trash kicked at Power-pump. I love that class. It's the one that does aerobics with weights and it is a killer. Last time I got really skinny I owed a lot of it to that class. There was a part of the routine that I couldn't even do - so I sat on my feet and waited. It was this ridiculous abs part. At the end of the class I went to talk to the 19 year old instructor to ask if there was a more basic thing I could do until I'm in shape enough to do that. Before I started she said, like she was talking to a five year old, "Hey, good job!" giving me a high five and then added, "You look great!"

Thanks. I had already positioned myself so that I couldn't see my reflection in any of the mirrors and tried the whole time to keep a good attitude despite my chubbiness. That high five nearly destroyed all my efforts to stay positive. But using positivity of steel, I let it slide.

The night before I met with a trainer thinking it was going to be a Gym orientation - it's not. It's really just a sales pitch to convince you to pay several hundred dollars a month on a trainer. Anyhow, he said lots of self esteem boosting stuff. Like when he asked what my goals are and I said to get back into the 130's. He replied, "I think the 150's are a lot more realistic for you." Hmm, thanks.

But despite all that - I really like the gym. The equipment is all top notch and tonight I get to use the lap pool - I'm excited. I just have to keep my blinders on and ignore the fact that I'm the chubbiest gal in the classes and that I look terrible in my workout clothes. Someday it won't be that way and until then I'm just gonna smile my way through it.

Get your butt in gear...

That title is a line from "Footloose" and sometimes it comes into my head - especially with such a big butt to get in gear. Thus the great image. That is so me except I've got lighter hair.

One of my favorite parts of getting in shape and running is the planning. I just love making tables and calendars, researching programs, and getting it all down on paper. Then each day I don't have to wonder what I'm going to do -I just walk up to my fridge, where the program is stuck on with a magnet, and look at today's workout. On my fridge I also have a chart for tracking my weight. Sometimes I wonder if I should take it down when I have guests but then I figure - who am I kidding - they know I'm overweight! Still sometimes, when it's someone I especially feel self conscious around, I take it down.

I'm also finding that training for a tri is a lot better than straight running. When I'm just running it's easier to get burnt out because each day I know what I'm doing - just running. With the tri though - I'm never quite sure and get a new kind of workout each and every time.

3 is the magic number...

So I'm 30 now and I belong to Gold's Gym. Don't they say it's harder to lose weight the older you get? Let's hope not this time.

So I have a mini goal - and it may be a hard one. I want to lose 3 pounds a week for the next four weeks. That would be 12 pounds and that would put me into a range that I haven't been since I was pregnant with Peter. Why four weeks? Well, I have two family reunions at that time and even though 12 pounds won't make me thin(or even close) it will boost my confidence a lot and make me have a better time. Let's hope I make it - wait, I am going to make it. Must stay positive! See you next Monday at the weigh-in.

I'm going for the Gold - Gold's Gym, that is...

Tomorrow evening I am going to go and join Gold's Gym. I have been back and forth about what I need to do since I want to do a triathlon this summer and need a pool to train in. My neighbor told me that the Gold's close to here is pretty good so I have decided that's the step I need to take.

I also found the first race I want to do. It's a really short one so I know I have time to train for it. Here it is:

(Click on it to see it bigger)

Anyone want to join me?

My heart is willing but my legs are weak...

I went jogging! I have to say I am slightly proud of myself - maybe "proud" isn't the right term - maybe it's more excitement that I did something slightly normal. It hurt and I was jiggly and slow but I did it. Elijah came with me and we actually had a great time. Hooray! Now I just need to sign up for a race!

I want one of these! Go check it out...