Today I went out for my second 1 mile walk. Today I took it faster - 17:17 - and even though that is slow it kicked my trash. I wasn't breathing heavy but I did get a cramp making it feel like I couldn't take a deep breath. My legs felt like cement and were itchy too. But the hardest part was my embarrassment while out. My clothes are tight and my misshapen body is clearly visible because of that. There was a moment today when a young guy was out washing his car and I had to walk right past him when I wanted to start strolling or something just to not draw attention to myself. And then I thought, "I can worry about what the people I see today think about me or I can get working on a body that I don't have to be embarrassed of." And it worked - I walked past him - arms pumping and all. And it worked on the next person I saw standing in their lawn and watching me. And the guy who drove past and stared at me. Most likely, there was nothing else to look at but me. But even if they were thinking, "Hey, fat lady." and even if I never see them again and get to prove that I'm not really someone who is always fat but that I just had a baby - who the heck cares? Just get working.
6/4/08
On being embarrassed while walking/running
Today I went out for my second 1 mile walk. Today I took it faster - 17:17 - and even though that is slow it kicked my trash. I wasn't breathing heavy but I did get a cramp making it feel like I couldn't take a deep breath. My legs felt like cement and were itchy too. But the hardest part was my embarrassment while out. My clothes are tight and my misshapen body is clearly visible because of that. There was a moment today when a young guy was out washing his car and I had to walk right past him when I wanted to start strolling or something just to not draw attention to myself. And then I thought, "I can worry about what the people I see today think about me or I can get working on a body that I don't have to be embarrassed of." And it worked - I walked past him - arms pumping and all. And it worked on the next person I saw standing in their lawn and watching me. And the guy who drove past and stared at me. Most likely, there was nothing else to look at but me. But even if they were thinking, "Hey, fat lady." and even if I never see them again and get to prove that I'm not really someone who is always fat but that I just had a baby - who the heck cares? Just get working.
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7 comments:
good for you megan. those kind of thoughts have stopped me before from running/walking. i need to remember - who cares what "they" think? what are they going to do? not hang out with me? please.
anyway - keep up the positive thinking.
I think you've got the right attitude.
To be honest, i love seeing overweight people (slightly overweight to completely obese) out on the trails with me when I'm running. They're working the hardest. And I want to tell them they're doing great! But then I think they'll probably punch me in the face. So just remember that some of those people you go by are actually sending you "You go girl!" vibes. :)
You can take it in the other direction and make t-shirts with your blog address on there. I just got a dollar bill with an email address where you can track it. Maybe, people could register there own t-short # and people that saw them around town could enter it on and report where they saw them running/exercising. Not that people would get super excited to know how often someone is working out, but there may be an idea here somewhere...
Spencer
Sorry, I failed to say that I think this is awesome. You never fail to inspire me. I like to track everything and have gone so far as to create tracking pages for the mundane in hopes of motivating myself to persevere (I once made a flossing chart).
Also, I know I misspelled t-shirt above, but don't know how to edit it.
You go girl! We've only met a couple times, I'm one of Mikes cousins and my sister and I like to "spy" on family we never see so we found your blog :)
I think what you are doing is great and I can't wait till my pregnancy is over and I can do it too!
Keep up the good work!!!
Teri - I know you! So you and Jenny have been spying, eh? I am soo guilty of that. I hope you have a blog to enable me to "spy" on more people!
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