I want one of these! Go check it out...

Me & Kirstie...what happened to us?

Sorry that I haven't updated the blog in a while - I moved to a new place & we are now pretty much settled. And you want to know how I feel? I feel like Kirstie Alley. Well, I guess I don't know how she feels - I mean I feel like I look like Kirstie Alley. And that isn't good. It means I'm in a bad mood a lot and that I have a hard time not wanting to eat chocolate or something sweet.

This morning I went to the park with my kids and there were lots of other moms there. I found myself being so self conscious that I wanted to pick up a megaphone and start explaining that I'm not usually so overweight and that I feel pretty upset about it all. It's silly to feel that way - I really need to overcome that. But I don't feel like myself - it messes with your identity when you are heavier than normal. When you're pregnant you let that cover for it but then when you aren't anymore - you are left wondering, "So, I'm still fat - what does that mean?"

Not that I expect to have lost all my weight by now - it just gets to me sometimes. I know what would make me feel better - exercise. And there really isn't much time for that so either I need to get up in the morning before Mike leaves or do it in the evening. I'd like to do it in the morning but when you've been waking up all night long with the baby it's pretty hard to want to get out of bed. Another thing I need to get over. So tonight I'll turn the kids over to Mike and head out...

Week one weigh in.

So, this first week on WW I lost 3 pounds. I'm actually kind of bummed about it because the only days I count as official weigh-in's are Monday but on Saturday the scale was a pound less. I know, it doesn't really matter but I just wanted to be able to say I lost 4 pounds this week but it just didn't show up this morning. I know that weight isn't the perfect indicator of progress and that all sorts of other things can affect it. Sometimes I wonder if I should weigh myself only after a good long feeding with the baby. So, after experiencing that I've decided only to weigh myself on Mondays. Maybe that will help me obsess a little less and then I won't see all the ups and downs from the week.

And I haven't really gotten to my walking yet. Since I'm still requiring a serious granny pad for blood loss I figured I should wait a little more before I do anything. Ugh. And I still don't know when I'm going to do it either...

If a picture paints a thousand words...

One of my favorite past times when I'm fat - which means for the last year and a half - is to look at old pictures of me when I wasn't fat and say, "Look at how not fat I was there." It probably gets old to Mike but it's totally helpful for me to see me without the extra weight. Like some kind of mental conditioning to help me visualize what I can be. I actually have this one video where I am able to get to my feet from sitting real quick - maybe I can figure out a way to get that on here. But here's a photo I saw tonight:





Now, this was a few months after my miscarriage in 2007 and I was about 15 pounds overweight. I was totally self conscious of my body to the point where I bought this top to cover up my thighs in the family portrait. But look at me - I'm so not fat. At least not by my current standard. I still think the picture and the pose are totally cheesy though.











And in the spirit of President Obama's transparency I'll go ahead a post a pic taken last week. It's not flattering but it does seem honest.

Measurement tracking...

Oh.my.gosh. I decided I would start tracking my measurements on WW online and discovered that my upper arm has the same circumference as my neck! SICK! By the way, did I tell you that I love this weight watchers thing? It's totally working for me - at least psychologically - we won't be able to tell beyond that until my next weigh-in. Weigh-in's are on Mondays.

As for that walk the other night - it didn't happen. My inner Tara was not available and instead I was close to tears and fell into bed. The next day however I did get on that walk and it felt great. Though I took the circus with me - all four boys. I'm really really really hoping to be getting a treadmill here some time in the future. Anyone selling one?

The Biggest Loser and me.

So, this spring I started watching ABC's Biggest Loser and I quickly became an addict. I couldn't believe the strides these people were making and how much it was motivating me! This season I have been totally in awe of Tara - who I hope wins tomorrow night by the way! She started out at 296 lbs and is now down in the 180's somewhere. And she did it by sheer determination - working her tail off the whole season. Can you believe how great she looks? I'm going to channel my inner Tara tonight on my first workout in a LONG time. I'll let you know how it goes!

Weight Watchers

So, I'm doing weight watcher's online. I did a little point counting when I was pregnant and it REALLY worked so I'm excited to go full blown here and get started. Even though I hate counting calories, I really like the point system. Counting calories I get all anxious because I feel like I can't eat anything but the point system simplifies it so much for me and feels more like a game. Because I'm breastfeeding I get 10 more points a day than normal making it a total of 34 points. As I lose weight my point will go down. I'll let you know how I like the online membership and if I think it's worth it. Below here is a screen shot of the basic tool at WW:

No more prego mego.

Well hey, everybody! I'm back! Yes, I had another baby, my last, just over two weeks ago and I'm ready to hit the pavement again. This Monday I'm gonna start walking - slowly but at least I'm starting. I have so much to say so I'll catch you up over the next little while! I'm excited!

I take it back - I need a break from this blog! I am really grateful for the support I have received so far on this and hope to be able to come back to it after the baby is done but for now, I need a break! I might want to update it just before the baby but who knows. I'm not even sure that I'll have the time/desire/energy to keep it up after that. But just in case I'm not deleting this blog. So, until then...

Have you given up on me - because I'm still here?!

Yes, I'm still here and working out and trying to keep things up - I just didn't have the time/energy to keep this blog up. But hopefully with the holidays over I can once again. I haven't been running any marathons or anything but I've been trying to walk a few times a week and just be more active in general. The sick part of pregnancy gets you into this "do as little as possible" mode and it takes some adjustment to get out of it. But overall I'm feeling really good. I haven't weighed myself for a couple weeks - I just didn't want to ruin my Christmas! So welcome back!

Tricks or treats?

Ok, so I'm pretty proud of myself because I've made it 5 days so far without eating any Halloween candy. Also, I'm doing pretty well on that new diet thing. For breakfast I have a slimfast by itself and then for lunch I have a slimfast with half a turkey sandwich. Today I added a frozen banana to the shake in the blender and it totally tastes like a good milkshake. Then in the afternoon I can have a snack if I can find anything healthy that sounds good. For dinner I just eat a healthier dinner. I'm not eating just a chicken breast with veggies - I'm eating pretty normally. And my rules don't apply to dinner. If we have pasta and it has some cheese in it I still eat it. So far it has been helping. For a couple weeks there my weight was slowly creeping up. But now the upwards trend has stopped and in fact I've gone back down a few pounds. If that worries you, know that what I weigh now is exactly what I weighed the night before I had Andrew. And I had gained 36 pounds with that pregnancy. So, I'm good. My ultimate goal would be to stay where I am for the rest of the pregnancy. That would mean losing weight because I will be gaining blood and tissue - and of course a bigger baby along the way.

My exercise has been nonexistent this week. I have tried not to lay around as much but I haven't made it over to the gym for almost 7 days. But I'm ok - I'm going tonight. I think it's important not to get down about missing. All that will come of it is that you'll miss more. So I just say, "Whoops, I need to get over to the gym!" So, anyhow...how are you guys doing?

slim me up fast

Ok, so in an effort to slow the steady rise on my bathroom scale, I started slimfast. I know, typically people don't do that when they are pregnant, but I assure you that I have gained enough weight for two healthy pregnancies and that the baby will get plenty from the slimfast. As will I, actually. So far, it's working. And even though I have been in the typical I'm not getting enough to eat mood, I'm glad it is. My body will realize in the next little while that it doesn't require an eighth of what it thinks it does. So...until next time ladies...

I'm back...but still fat.

I'm gonna keep on going here - at least for a while...

I'm actually feeling better already. Im 12 weeks but usually my sickness lasts until 16 weeks. Now I'm only sick in the mornings - and anyone can handle that!

When ever I'm trying to lose weight I make littler inspiration sheets to hang up in the kitchen. I made this today for inspiration:



I'm pretty happy about it. Now to see if it will work! I went jogging/walking today. It was the first time since I got sick a couple months ago - I've just been swimming. It was HARD. But my body could use a little more HARD!!!

mini-me and my vain blog

While browsing through some old photos I found this one of me from Thanksgiving 2 years ago. It's mini-me! It has gotten to the point lately where I can't remember what I used to look like and also can't believe I'll ever be my old self again. I need images like this to give me faith that I can do it!

So, I've been swimming still and I'm becoming a big fan. I like how I don't get hot and my joints don't hurt. I also like the sound of the water. After I'm not sick anymore we'll see if I'm up for some jogging as well.

And finally, lately I've been wondering how vain this blog is. I know that happiness is not based on weight or pants size and so I don't want this to seem an obsession with either. I was hoping this would detail my journey back to a healthier, fitter me. But sometimes it digresses and becomes about weight. This past weekend I was visiting my in-laws and in their church congregation is a young mother who just found out she only has a few months left of her life. I felt terrible realizing how petty I've become lately. Feeling like a true blessing is more a trial. These things I worry about aren't really important. I hope that after reading this blog you don't get off and feel worse about yourself. That you aren't overly concerned about your body. My original hope was just the opposite. That you'd see that if I could get healthy - anyone could. I still believe that being healthy is really important - that keeping my body in shape will make the rest of my life more full - and that of my family's as well. I need to remember that. Especially on days where I feel like it's me against the candy bar. Anyhow, just some thoughts...

Well, well, well...

If you hadn't heard yet - this story of weight loss just got a lot longer. I found out about a month ago that I am pregnant again. That would be a great joke, wouldn't it? But I'm not kidding, it's true. Even though I've know for a while it still feels insane to write that. Anyhow, I'm not really sure what I'm going to do with those races. I am pretty sure the Halloween one is off. I have just been too sick. I am swimming because it is the only thing that doesn't sound too bad. The cool water makes me feel better. Though the other night I pushed a little too hard and wanted to die for the rest of the night. So, I'll be having this baby before my current one even turns one. Talk about being fat. My goal is to gain less than 10 lbs. I really shouldn't gain ANY since I'm currently 40 pounds overweight. We'll see. I will be happy with just gaining ten or less because I'd actually need to lose some fat in order to accomplish that.

Wow. This is crazy, isn't it? Three pregnancies in a row can get old real quick.


p.s. Of course it wasn't planned!

WAKE-UP CALL...or a lot can happen in a year.

This week has been disastrous for my training. I had a great workout on Tuesday and was feeling great and then I never went after that. I was ready to wipe the week from the books and not let it get me down when I saw this photo of me. This is from my church activity tonight. Now, I'm a photographer so I know about camera distortion but this ain't that. This is all me and this is a wake-up call. When I first saw this I was totally horrified. But why am I surprised? Do I think you can be 40 pounds overweight and only look slightly bigger than you normally do? Wow. Ok, it's time to stop fooling around. It's time to look at this photo every day instead of the quick glance in the mirror standing in a strange pose to look as thin as possible.

Just for some perspective here are some old photos of me.
This is my wedding day. I was skinny. I have always been terrified that someday some friend of my kids would come over and see my wedding picture and say, "Who's that?" and when they hear it's me say, "That's your mom?!" So floored that I was once thin. That cannot happen! Or would that be possible already? Maybe.
Here's a cheesy one of me but I just remember feeling soo huge and fat that day. If only I could go back to that!

And this is about a month after my miscarriage and two months before I got pregnant with this last one - in June of last summer. I was probably about 15 pounds heavier than normal. I saw this picture and was mortified by my size. I was so sad that you could see the outline of my gut. And now? I only dream of being that size. Will it ever come back?


I have a ways to go.

Cindy's tri

A friend of mine just ran in a tri and posted about it on her blog. She didn't train before and the results are quite entertaining. Check it out!

The bees knees...

I am happy to say that I think my knee problem is under control. First thing I did was get some new shoes from the Runner's Corner. I love that place. They once again looked at my running cadence or whatever you call it. And because of their recommendation, I always get my running shoes bigger than my normal size(size 8) and this time the shoes I ended up with are a size 10! And they feel awesome...

Another trick the guys gave me at the store was to put the treadmill at a slight incline - like really slight - a 1.0. That way the ball of my foot would be hitting the belt first. And that, put together with the new shoes, has alleviated the pain! Finally!

Anyhow, overall the training is going well - slowly but well. I definitely have down days/times where I am so frustrated with my size/weight where all I want to do is sit in front of the TV and be angry. But luckily I recognize them for what they are and it helps them to pass more quickly. For now, at least.

Anyhow, how are you guys doing? Especially you Stephanie...where are you!?

I have found my tri.

Today was my first official day of training and it got me excited to find a race. I went to this website and looked for one. I wanted something soon enough to keep more going so I was a little bummed to see that the last race of this year is in November down in St. George and that the first one of next year isn't until June. Hmm...if I follow my 13 week plan strictly that takes me to the first week in December but that just won't do so...I am going to shorten my training to two months so I can run in a closer triathlon in Orem. It is a pool swim and it's the last thing you do so you don't have to worry about your hair freezing.

Though it's 9 weeks instead of 13 I think I can do it...heck, I'm still in my twenties - I better be able to! Anyone else want to join me?

this morning...

The spanish fork half marathon and 5k...

And no, I wasn't running. My husband was.
It was fun to be out there. It made me remember that I committed to do a race just like this in about five weeks. I need to get going. This week has been a hard one. I swam on Monday and then did nothing for the rest of the week. I am really getting bummed about the lack of movement in my weight. Oh well. I guess I just have to keep going - not worrying about the number on the scale. I definitely won't get thin and fit doing nothing...